Grief In Our Own Way

Posted on Mon Apr 27th, 2026 @ 12:15am by Lieutenant Commander Sabastian Walker & Lieutenant Commander Elyse White

1,142 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Forgotten Wounds
Location: Main Engineering
Timeline: 2 days after the death of Walker

ON:

Elyse felt a little frozen. Could she have done more to prevent what Walker did? Perhaps not. But, it was safe to say that Tholos' gut feeling about something being wrong about the mission had been an omen as Elyse had predicted. Nonetheless, she had to go ahead with business as usual.

The woman walked into engineering. The atmosphere had certainly shifted. Elyse looked around and saw the miserable faces. She swallowed hard and then took a breath, heading to the main control room, and saw Tholos. "Th'Kael," Elyse simply greeted unsure on how to approach this matter.

Tholos looked up but there was no smile today. "Hello Lady Elyse." His voice carried notes of sadness and his antennae dropped. "How can I help?"

"I--" Elyse stuttered and then stepped in, shutting the door behind her. She took a breath, "I don't want to be here and I certainly don't want to be discussing this--" Elyse sighed, "I guess neither of us got the promotion we wanted. I am here on a formal capacity to ask if you're ok with stepping up for now. From a personal perspective, I want to ensure that you and the department are ok."

He shrugged. "I'm okay stepping up for now. But you will be getting a lot of transfer request from our department. Most don't want to stay here without the chief. I haven't decided if mine will be there too."

White looked at the floor and nodded, "I understand. What I would request is that everyone holds off until this mission is through. Once that's done, I'll acknowledge everyone's requests. Right now, we need to stick together."

"I think that's part of the problem. We all feel like we're not together. I mean we are but I hear some of my engineers wrote letters asking to go instead of walker and now the rumor is Poe tried to get Sab pulled off the mission....The Captain wouldn't listen it's created a rift." He sighed. "I'm trying to get everyone on the same page that things just happen but it's slow. I don't know what to do."

Elyse sighed, "Poe didn't have a leg to stand on with his request. Frankly, the captain was right in ignoring it in the grand scheme of things. But I get it. I do. I also get that this department had a gut feeling too." Elyse walked in and perched on his desk, "I tried, Tholos. Walker didn't listen. I just-- " she shook her head, her words didn't matter.

He stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault. I know him. The needs of the few go before his own. So he did what we all would have done."

"I hope that's not completely true," Elyse looked into Tholos' eyes and smiled a little, "I want a knight in shining tin foil, not shining armour." Elyse took a breath and shook her head. 'Too soon,' she thought to herself. "Look, I need you to do whatever you can to stall people putting in for transfers, or at least expecting a response from me."

"That I can do in edition to feeding the Engineering Ghost." He noted her facial expression. "Oh he's not a real ghost. Poe's been here after his shift everyday. He sits by the engine room and just stays awake all night. He hasn't eaten or drunk anything since this all happened. I'm worried the kid will pass out on us."

"I'll go see him next," Elyse commented before sighing and looking at Tholos, "Thol, we're friend's too-- are you ok?"

He shook his head. "Not really but I can do the job. I won't let the crew the ship or the Captain down."

Elyse nodded but made no effort to get up from his desk. Out of character, Elyse reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, "it's appreciated. I'm here if you need anything, personally or professionally."

He smiled sadly. "You wouldn't happen to have a Walker in a drawer would you?"

Elyse shook her head, "sorry. I mean, I had a dream last night that he randomly called and questioned where we were and why we'd left him behind. But I think it's just wishful thinking-- I'm now stuck with this job after all."

"Ela had the same dream. It's part of missing someone I guess or grief...Yeah the paperwork is a nightmare isn't it?" He paused. "How are you holding up with everything?"

"I guess so," Elyse nodded, "the paperwork sucks but I'm just dealing with the fact that he didn't follow orders and because of it, and now I've got a job I don't want and I have to see a ton of transfer requests. Now I feel like the worst XO even, even though I know it's not my fault. But--" Elyse shrugged, "I'm just thinking selfishly. Ignore me."

"You are grieving. We all do that in our own way. Can you ask the captain something on behalf of the department?"

"I wouldn't call it grieving," Elyse explained, "I barely knew the man. But I understand the sentiment." She raised a brow and nodded, "depends on what you want me to ask."

"Can you convince him to let us have a memorial here in Engineering when we get everyone back to base? Also can you ask if we could tell Walker's family?"

Elyse nodded. It was a simple request. "I'll get the captain to hold off on sending a message to Walker's family. As for the memorial-- you don't need a captain's approval for that. Go right ahead-- my say so."

He gave a nod. "Thanks." He sighed. "In my culture when something like this happens we would rip out our Antenna. Unfortunately I can't do that now."

"I have questions, like 'do they grow back', but I will save them for another time," Elyse offered a small smile, "I like your antenna. Don't do that. I advise you to grieve productively. Maybe--" Elyse hesitated, unsure how it would be taken, but chose to ask anyway, "since you looked after me the other night, I should look after you. I'll make you the chocolate cake I was talking about. Hell, you can even lick the bowl. Come round after shift."

He smiled. "Agreed. And they do grow back in 9 months but our senses and balance is messed up for the whole time and sight." He looked at her. "Thanks. I'll see you tonight."

Elyse uncharacteristically out her hand gently on his arm for a moment, offering some comfort, before she got off of his desk, "please leave your antenna where they are. I like how they look and the last thing I need right now is for more paperwork about a self mutilation on board that isn't a tattoo or piercing."

OFF:

 

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